Are all relationships subject to change, with changing circumstances? Are all relations subject to a fading horizon?Do all friendships fail in time, and distance? Will there always be a better, younger and less complicated person to replace you? Do all bestfriends drift apart as they find romance? What about friendship, is romance the only big thing in life?
I have been single in ages. Thanks to my obsolute concerns and phobia for dependence. But apart from that I havent also proved an edge with friendship. My last to last bestfriend, we almost lost contact after I left town. Now I don’t know if she’s well, if she still has a crush on that charmer in school. I don’t know if she remember all our code words. I haven’t made an effort to find out. Its hard work, all the emotion its just hard work.
My last best friend, I think he found some true love! I seriously doubt but I really hope he did☺. I don’t know what he calls her, or if how he fell for her. It was hard work, I didnt care to put in that much effort and so he had gone by silently. I see him, I wave at him, he says hello, and I move pretending a fake hurry. I think I broke up with my best friend, probably it was my last birthday! I donot remember that well or I pretend so. I am shitty scared to come up as vulnarable and weak, a mewling cry baby! That’s definitely not me.
My best friend, in Playschool. I remeber her name clearly Decangi, I missed her when I changed school and I was stuck with a bunch of bullies in the new school. But I never called her or wrote to her, it was hard work.
I was in love with a friend, or atleast I thought so. I never made the efforts to confess. What if he’d make fun, or he thought I lost my mind, if he was in love with a better looking, more intelligent and smart girl. Could I handle that? But the worse if he loved me back? What would I have done, gone paranoid in fear of being dependent rather than being dependable. It is hard work, all the emotions.
As a little girl, I have always been the one mean and hard spoken, arrogant and the “digital” person. I am the headstrong clear thought black and white girl. There are no greys. Or that’s what everyone and I have liked to believe of myself. It is hard work to speak with eyes filled with tears, to speak with a voice that doesnot command, a voice that’s shaky and doubtful. It is hardwork and I am only brave to eyes that aren’t mine.
Confessing is hard. Crying is hard. Saying sorry is hard. Pretending,ignoring and avoiding is easy.
Are all relationships slave to images, to ideals that some of us fail to stand and vulnerabilities? Do all friendships die a silent death? Finding a romantic companion, is it that important? Couldn’t friendship fill the gap?
Its hard work, to answer, to think and count all the relationships that faded with circumstances. All friendships and partnership, even the most beautiful and precious ones loose its value. Perhaps we must all seek for that companionship with a constant, a constant through all good and hard times, that wouldn’t let a better looking woman reshuffle priorities. A constant called yourself